I am discovering that opportunities for growth in my walk with God are often disguised in some of the most challenging circumstances. For several months now, I have been experiencing chaos and conflict in a major area of my life...an area that I am very passionate about. As this "experience" continued to snowball, it started to impact my energy, my thoughts, my quiet time and then eventually...my family. At this point, I knew that I had to completely surrender to God, but I thought "I already gave this to Him...so why I am dealing with this still?" I felt a compelling desire to just get alone with God. Totally alone. No e-mail, no crackberry, no laptop, no internet, no TV. ALONE with God to purge my thoughts, my heart, my burden and truly surrender myself and my time. Without notice, I took two and a half days of vacation and told my boss that I would not be available. In faith, I was sure and certain that this is what it would take to turn this chaos in my life into something better...what I would later realize is an opportunity for growth. My first day of quiet time I clearly heard God's voice peacefully share with me that this series of circumstances I am in is the mission field for ministry that he has planted my feet upon to bring glory to Him. The disappointment I experienced in myself at this point was tremendous. If the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart over the last few months were reflections of Christ, then I had surely failed. I failed Him and the mission He has called me to. Studying Hebrews, verses 6: 7-8 the Lord walked me through how His world spells out for us that as we face disappointment we have to be mindful of what we do along the way and what we say along the way, for it is our words and our actions that identify the level and quality of our faith. The evidence of my faith during these circumstances in my life certainly did not point to Jesus. I was full of discouragement and defeat. Continuing on through this chapter of Hebrews, I began to identify with Abraham. I am a hard worker - and the whole idea of hard labor and training - really resonates with me. His word in Hebrews impacted me - as I began to see these circumstances that I am in as a training exercise - one that I need to run hard, and persevere through to the end rather than just giving up. I prayed that God would renew my energy in Him to allow his glory to shine through me in these circumstances. As I stayed in prayer and in His word, the Lord pointed to things that were said and done over the "series of circumstances" that could be turned around if I just changed my perspective in alignment with what God requires of us - and that is to take these circumstances and evaluate them for the opportunities for growth that they offer to us. I realized that because this situation was so visible, and I was dealing with people that were so vocal, it was a perfect opportunity to exhibit in Him, the self-control, emotional control, and dedication that are evidence of the faith and relationship I have in the Lord. And today, the Lord took me to Psalms 10 and 11. One of the areas I struggled most with during these challenges, was that I wanted to just quit and turn away. I wanted to move as far away from this situation as possible. The thought of running away from it would not leave me. It consumed me for several days to the point I was losing sleep over it. In His word, God clearly showed me that running away - quitting - is completely in defiance of what He has called me to do. David in Psalms 10 and 11 - does not fearfully run away from his challenges. He knew God was greater than anything he faced. How could I forget something so simple? How could I - the churchgoer; Bible reader; prayer giver - forget something so obvious to me? I realized that this series of circumstances seems to get bigger as I reach and seek harder for the Lord's presence in my life. Without question, I could see that these circumstances have obviously been planted in my path to distract me and move me away from the Lord's call on my life and ministry. Once I realized this, I knew that I needed to do something bold - and powerful in Him - to give the Lord opportunity to rain down His spirit and perspective on me as I move through this. So, I took the time off of work to totally focus on Him. I stepped away from anything that is blinding my vision of Christ and His purpose in my life - and turns out, most of those things inundating me with thoughts that move me away from this purpose - are traveling into my life through vehicles of technology - so it was simple. TURN THEM OFF!!! MOVE THEM OUT!! And the blessings, the peace, the tranquility, and the renewed spirit the Lord has showered upon me the last four days has been unimaginable. And it continues. So I need to stop and get off of here :)
